Thinking about my dad

This pic is of my father doing what he loves best, fishing on his houseboat on the lake near his home in Warsaw, MO.

We got to see our father a while back; he was able to come through California with Joann after taking care of her father in Oregon. That was a surprise, we did not have that planned and it was so enjoyable, the little bit of time we got to spend with him.

This pic is Justin and dad taken just this last month; Justin just happens to be Dad's only grandchild who looks like a Fisher; Justin is my Dad's brothers twin, Uncle Keith, who passed away when I was only 8 years old!

Justin is now living with us; he is going back to school and was working, but got layed off, no biggy, he will get another job soon and unemployment is coming in. But I was getting his bedding after he had stripped his bed into the wash and the smell of it was extremely strong. It was not a bad smell, actually it was a smell that brought back so many childhood memories.

I know this may sound weird, but it is something that I have heard many people say about their fathers and never had it dawned on me until this day. Jenna has spoke about sitting in her daddy's closet after he died and just smelling his clothes because he wanted to linger in that fragrance that she missed so very much. Judy from Florida an on-line friend, shared the same, that she kept a pair of her dad's jammies so she could just smell them.

Dad and I at his home in Warsaw MO. in summer of 2007

When I smelled those sheets, it came back to me, this is weird, but my dad's hairy back and the smell of his body as I laid in the middle of the bed with him and mom. I was only probably 8,9 or 10 years old. He was not around after that, mom and him began their divorce. Those were moments of feeling safe; there were times in my childhood that I did not feel so safe, which of course, I have come to be ok with, but they were a part of my story. I had forgotten those safe encounters with my father.

Anyway, I guess what I am getting at is that there is so much that has been erased from my memory as a child and when I do recall any happiness, especially with my father, I cherish it and embrace it. We did not get to have many of those father and daughter encounters because he was not there at such an early age. Again, another part of my life that I have come to understand and have accepted it as it was; my past is truly my greatest asset, I am who I am today because of it, so there are no regrets at all. I know my father has some regrets and I wish he didn't; having no regrets is such a freedom that helps bring happiness to each day, each moment in my life today and in my future.

Thanks dad for those safe feelings I get to recall as an adult about my childhood. I hear my girlfriends talk about their fathers and I do get to relate about so many good things that they share with me. A long time ago, I use to think I had nothing to relate with, but I was so wrong, it is all coming back to me now.